There are sometimes when I simply start speaking to myself ...that's when Raksha starts speaking to Raksha.

Do you do that? have you ever spoken to yourselves anytime ? Its like assuring yourself of many things...the first and the foremost thing... which is " Hey! I am there ...!!!" your soul calls out.

I had one Director who used to say this to me..." Its been long time since I have spoken to myself....I need a break!!! "
...I liked him for the way he said that every time after the busy shootings...

So, when I was talking to myself one day..I was wondering what had happened to me...
The way I look now..the way I used to look before....say some 10 years back...the way I was such a silent person then ..but now ?!!! wow! I speak non stop... I do not know from where I picked that from ha!ha!.....like this, I had many observations ,questions, puzzles ...etc... about myself.

There have been a thousand changes in our lives...from babies to adults ...from schools to offices ...from being a Girl to a Wife....then a mom ...(...grandma..and so on....) too..! Our life is so damn filled with all these changes. Why speak of all that...we never know what the next minute will be....ha!ha!
Amidst all these changes we have our Dreams to make true , Professions to master, Money making skills, Asset making skills......and many many more skills....(he!he!)

Like this, thoughts kept on wandering and the latest and the biggest change so far in me was that.. just a month back I was still single and now ...I am already married to the love of my life and I am a Wife already !!!! I still cant believe that! ...

Changes happen like this.
Just talk to yourself once....you will 'try' knowing who you are......

From the Diaries.... 13 - 03 - 2005, 4:10PM

Pati my Grand ma....

The First Lady of our family .The woman with whom I am open to many talks ranging from religion...humanism to marriages.....to womanhood to the newest fashion trend in town.

A complete trendy Grandmom drapped in a Madisar saree but with updated rational ideas and a non biased thinking.My most precious asset.

I am going to meet her today...because tomorrow is 'Charadu pandighai' a festival in Iyengars where in, women pray for their husband's welfare (the unmarried for their future better halves!!!.)

This festival is one of my favorite festivals too....not for the actual concept but for the special yummy dosas they prepare...wow! normal dosas for which a paste of Grounded dal and jaggery is applied and cooked .This is later eaten with fresh butter chanting a shloka and simultaneously mother ties a sacred yellow thread to our necks. We pray for the welfare of our future husband ..where ever whoever he is and pray for his happiness and safety.

An interesting ritual. But the Dosas are great!

Coming back to paati - Many people stood blinking when i showed them my new Garnet earing and the designer Sandals ..they were selected and presented by my Paati...even my mom wouldnt have got me so gorgeous looking things...so much to this generation tastes.

When we both are together we shop and roam a lot...observing different people on the road, playing practical jokes..both gigling and having a great time speaking the entire night making hell lot of noise!!! my mom sometimes gets jealous of us for having enjoyed so much..ha! ha!

She starts snoring whenever i start singing!!! says its so melodious that it puts her to sleep :)

Apart from all these, I love her because she is great as an Individual. Her willpower, her stamina to sustain the worst things which happened to her.She has seen all phases ...from utter Poverty to total Luxury...to a total debted life to a lavished polished lifestyle....she has been the same throughout...the only thing that has been changing is her hair colour and its texture, her teeth whose number is decreasing and ofcourse her size...she is shrinking day by day to a baby. A cute baby.

She loves her family so much . If any one is ill or my youngest cousin brother is having his exams then she's the first one to start fasting and pray god...and ofcourse the end results are always successful !!!

She always teases me saying what sort of a lady i am who still does not have a boy friend! ha! ha! ha! and yes...i have started learning things from her for my future 'Wife' post.

Thank god I have such a sweet and a cute jewel for life.

My Favorite Role.....

Don't read this as 'my favorite dish or Dress!' I am speaking of the role I am waiting to take lead next. A Home maker.

When a lady calls herselves a Homemaker, she not sees her just in the role of a wife, Cleaner, Mother, cook..etc...Its a big word and even bigger is the meaning.

Making a house is different .That is not my forte though! but making a home is a responsibility and a perfect work of a woman only. Its Difficult , yet simple. A simple smile could do many jobs, a hidden tear may bring many smiles...I've already started to try being that amidst my busy media job and a singing career... working...cleaning and dressing my home sweet home ,cooking tasty dishes , treating my guests and all of it topped with a smile.

A home maker is a mom. A mom to her childern, to her man, her inlaws, her parents, her guests, relatives....even to her house, garden, to herself ?....yes, even to herself.

Putting hearts together in a place so clean filled with sanity and Peace ,Trust and respect...and when hearts are together there has to be Loads of Love, beauty and divinity.

A home maker puts that there. She makes that happen. I may want to be one of the best musician or a Movie maker or an Audio engineer or even the Best boss in my Sound theatre....but nothing is more beautiful, more divine and more tougher than making a Home. To me that stands very Important always....

Life shows us the way....

Life shows us the way.....just follow it. I do not know what sort of reactions flow when you read this line. Life has been showing me so many things. . so many answers to my questions...if the biggest mystery is 'we' then 'life' is even bigger .

We learn so many things....some with our conscious some without and some...we do not know how but we would have learnt.

And today we are in a position to clear all the series of problems we keep facing one after the other..., the same 'we' who had once got real scared seeing a horror flick in childhood.....the same 'we' who can be warriors who fearlessly face Death, the same 'we' whose tears would just roll down our soft cheeks when our dads would give an angry stare for all the pranks we had made .... and the same 'we' who are ready to lead the Nation,voluntarily coming forward to carry all the troubles on the shoulders no matter how strong the shoulders are......

Once we needed Care and today we Care...and our lives have made us like that.Our Life makes us like that.

Yes.Life teaches us so many things.... Life has been teaching us so many things...some with our conscious some without conscious and some...we do not know how but we would have learnt.